Actually this is not the 1st, but rather the first that will stay on this space.
I drafted a post on the 11th this month, but I cowardly remove it after 4 hours. Because I'm afraid to show people the true me.
This morning I cried (I'm being extremely brave for saying this), not because of BGR but still its relationships. I''m feeling extremely lonely at this point. I know I have family and a great bunch of friends. But when I want company nobody is there for me. I asked 3 groups of friends and everyone has got activities. someone, J, agreed but cancel it out on me last minute.
I'm not resentful of anyone and I have nobody but myself to blame I guess. I failed to hold on of the person who regarded me as the number 1 in his life. When I received J's text informing me that he wun be meeting me afterall, the image n voice of KM appeared. He told me that I'm no. 1 in his life (just a memory of something he said when we were still an item). I was someone's priority once.
In the past if J ever cancels on me, I'll just be angry and hurt him with all the spiteful words. But as I ages, I just dun feel that I should do that anymore. No doubt I'm hurt but healing has to be done by myself now. Probably its because we ain't that close already, no point denying it. Yeah even though J texted me saying i'm not insignificant in his life, but seriously its just bullshit la. I used to be significant and important to him but its all in the past. He does treasure me but I guess its the jas who is still in NYP.
I miss being your no. 1...
I believe your beliefs now.
I have to learn to be alone.
